Diary entry: 1 February, 2023
A random diary entry, completely spontaneous. I might unpublish it tomorrow…
I suddenly awoke at 4am this morning, in complete tears, because I thought I couldn’t move. The upper part of my back was in pain and I couldn’t get up. I had never had that sensation before, and me being me, I thought the worst. 🤦♀️Thankfully, with some help from a family member, I was able to move into a more comfortable position and sleep some of the pain off. A few hours later, I was able to get up, and some of the pain had begun to dissipate. It seemed like it was just a cramp or a muscle spasm. Nothing serious. 🙏But that did make me think more about my health — when I thought I couldn’t get up, I was forced to think what it would be like if I was confined to my bed or one position. I really need to pay more attention to these things - create a more comfortable environment, to ensure a better posture, buy a new bed mattress, exercise to strengthen my back muscles.
It also reminded me that anything can happen at any time. To be more appreciative and focus more on what I have. I have been lucky in my life, I am in good health. But all week I had been dragging my feet, in a bad mood, feeling low and down about myself. Not good about myself. While I shouldn’t undermine my low mood, (it’s allowed) I realised I had let it continue for too many days. So today, I’m telling myself, (in the nicest way), “OK, Nitu — that’s enough wallowing.”
I need to be kinder and firmer to “my chimp”
I finished listening to a podcast yesterday, on the Diary of a CEO - Steven Bartlett’s interview with Professor Steve Peters. He talks about how there are 3 systems in your head: 1) the human, 2) the chimp, and 3) the computer.
🙍🏽♀️‘The human thinks logically, but very slow.
🐒 The chimp can move at speed with thoughts, thinks emotionally but unhelpful thoughts.
💻The computer needs programming, moves 20x faster than the human system and 4x faster than the chimp system. It doesn’t analyse, it doesn’t think.’
The chimp system turns to the computer, it asks *rapidly* “what beliefs do I hold?” So it makes more sense where my unhelpful thoughts come from, and where I need to program my beliefs and how to calm my chimp. That’s why we might act irrationally in certain situations, and think later — “why did I say/do that?” (The Human / logical system is slow compared to the chimp.)
My chimp is a worrier, overthinker, catastrophiser — but I don’t always let it win. I have been working on changing my belief system for a long time so the computer does occasionally save me, and cuts through the chimp chatter.
Steve Peters says our chimp needs TLC. He talks to his chimp, tells him when to quieten down and when he can have his say. His chimp is his best friend. It sounds less barmy (I think) when you listen to him on the podcast and not read it from me. 😅
Anyways, I’m really just writing this because 1) I needed to journal and I was finding it difficult to get any words out, so that’s why it’s not very structured. 2) Just reminding myself that I can choose my thoughts, and that it’s all down to me how much power I give to the chimp. That doesn’t mean that I want to defeat it, but rather I need to befriend it. I have slowly over the years, but we can definitely be better friends, for sure…
I’ll try to write a clearer, revised journal entry next time. 🙂 (My chimp system was in action here.)
Nitu xox
